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Parents who raise resilient, socially intelligent kids do 5 things during ‘hard times’


All of us want to see our children succeed. resilient, confidentChildren who are socially and emotionally intelligent. A psychologist who is a specialist in adolescents development has found the most important thing to do for your child’s well-being, and that it starts at an early age. 

Sometimes, kids, particularly teens, and tweens can be a problem. need validationThey can feel and think normal thoughts and feelings. Actually, psychologists believeThis validation tool is powerful and often ignored in behavioral parenting programs.

While validating the feelings of your child doesn’t mean that you agree or condone their actions, it does not necessarily mean that you should. This simply means that you listen, understand, and are open to their feelings. It can teach children to identify their emotions, and help them become more connected with the social environment. This will increase their emotional intelligence. 

These are the messages that successful parents use to convey during difficult times.

1. They make life more normal

The best friendships are those that help kids learn life skills such as getting along with people and resolving conflicts. However, friendships are not perfect.

Remember to remind your child that friendships can have ups and downs. Close friends will disappoint, be irritated, and sometimes mess up in long-lasting relationships.

Talk to your child about the social pains they have suffered, if possible. This is a strong indicator that your child does not have to feel embarrassed.

2. They offer physical comfort

If your child doesn’t react violently to touching, then physical comfort might be better than any verbal or written assurance.

Several studiesPeople have discovered the benefits of inter-personal contact. One example is: being huggedIt can reduce blood pressure, and create a sense of safety and security.

Let’s suppose your child feels upset. You might try to give your child a hand, hug, or rub their back before you say a word. Fifth grader told her mom, “When I feel sad, all I need is for you to hug me and tell me that it really does suck.” It’s awful.'”

Your child will be able to take their time and prepare for a conversation about what is troubling them. 

3. These people teach you that quality is more important than quantity

Many teens gauge their self-worth using the number of friends they have. Tweens don’t realize that relationships are more important than their friends. One study found that teens who had many — but more superficial — school friends became more anxious as young adults. 

And, contrary to the belief of most children, popularity doesn’t make you feel better. Popularity is a social status built on rumors and downs and is therefore inherently unstable.

Your child will be reassured that they don’t need to have hundreds of social media friends. As long as your child is loyal, trustworthy, and supportive, a few friends will be enough. 

Research demonstrates that along with peer acceptance, at least one strong, healthy friendship predicts both good school performance and psychological well-being (e.g., high self-esteem and less anxiety).

4. They emphasize the positives

Children often focus on one negative or social issue, and it can be a distraction that makes their lives more difficult than the many positives.

Although you may sympathize and understand your child’s grief, reminding them to look at their recent joys and triumphs helps them see the bigger picture.

5. These are signs of hope

Your child should tell you that even though they may be going through some rough times right now, this will pass. They will make it better. This isn’t a cliché. Social situations will change because kids will change.

You just have to wait for your peers and them to mature. Remind them, however, that it takes time to change their relationships. For now though, they have control over how they react in challenging social situations. 

Studies of high school students demonstrate the value of social hope. Freshmen were required to review a brief article on brain science about personality change. They then read stories from seniors about how they eventually learned to ignore peer conflict and learn to move on. 

The group was then asked to offer encouragement to students in their twenties.

Following stressful conversations, students in the intervention group experienced 10% lower cortisol levels than those in the control group. This indicates that they were more likely to have read inspirational information. These freshmen had 40% lower rates of depression at the end and received better grades than the control group.

Roni Cohen-SandlerA licensed psychologist and author who is also a speaker, Ph.D. specializes in issues of teenage girls and women, mother-daughter relationship, parental guidance, and psychoeducational assessments. Her work has appeared in major publications such as Teen Vogue, Newsweek and Marie Claire. She splits her time between Los Angeles and Connecticut with her husband.   

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