These 7 skills separate successful kids from ‘those who struggle’: Psychologist and parenting expert
My first teaching job was with at-risk students. Most of them lived in poverty or suffered from abuse. I was determined to discover ways of helping these children. help them succeed.
An educational psychologist taught me a valuable lesson. Thrivers are not made. While children require a secure, structured, and loving environment, they need to be able to thrive. They also need the freedom, autonomy, and competence necessary for them.
We have compiled a lot of information about the traits that are most closely related to optimizing children’s lives after analyzing piles upon piles. thriving abilitiesSeven skills that kids should be able to use are the ones I have identified. mental toughness, resilience, social competence, self-awareness and moral strength — and they are what separates successful kids who shine from those who struggle:
Many parents associate self-esteem with self confidence. Parents tell their children that they are special and can do anything.
There are other options. little evidenceSelf-esteem can be a key factor in academic success and authentic happiness. However, studies show that grades are more likely to be attributed by children who credit their strengths and efforts. are more successfulStudents who feel they don’t have control over their academic success are less likely than students who believe otherwise.
True self-confidence comes from doing well and facing challenges, finding solutions, and being able to take control of your situation. Doing the same thing for your kids will only make them believe that they can’t.
Self-assured kids know they can succeed but also recover. This is why it’s important that we stop hovering, snowplowing or rescuing.
There are three types of character strengths: emotional empathy is when we feel another person’s emotions and share their feelings; behavioral empathy when empathy motivates us to show compassion and empathy; and cognitive empathy when we can understand the thoughts and place ourselves in another’s shoes.
To help their children understand the world, they need to have an emotional vocabulary. develop empathy. Parents can show this to their children in these ways:
- Let’s label our emotionsName emotions intentionally in context. This will help to build an emotion vocabulary. You appear upset.
- Ask questions:How did it make you feel? “You seem scared. Are you right? Your child should learn to accept that emotions are all normal. It is how we express our feelings that can make us unhappy.
- Send your thoughts and feelingsSafe spaces are essential for children to be able to communicate their feelings. You can create that space by sharing your emotions. This book frustrates me.
- Pay attention to othersLook at people in the park and library. “How does that guy feel?” “Have ever you felt like that?”
One of the most important skills you have is to manage your attention, emotions and thoughts. most highly correlated strengths to success — and a surprising untapped secret to helping kids bounce back and thrive.
Giving signals is one way to help children learn self-control. Many children struggle to switch between activities. Teachers use verbal cues or ringing bells to signal their attention: “Pencils down. Eyes up.”
Practice together and create a signal. Then expect attention. A few: I need your attention within one minute. Do you want to hear me?
You can also use stress pauses. They can take their time and think by slowing down. Use a “pausing signal” to encourage your child to stop, think and then act.
- “If you are mad, count up to 10 before answering.”
- When in doubt, stop, think and cool down.
- Don’t tell anyone anything about yourself that you don’t wish to be said.”
Integrity is a set of learned beliefs, capacities, attitudes and skills that create a moral compass children can use to help them know — and do — what’s right.
Setting our own expectations is an important part of the puzzle. It is equally important to give them the space and freedom they need to create their moral identities.
Recognize and celebrate ethical behaviour when it is displayed by your child, so that they know you appreciate it. Name integrity and describe what happened so that your child understands the merits of their actions.
Your praise will be more precise if you use the “because” word. You showed integrity by keeping your promise to your friend to join you even though it meant you would have to stop the slumber party!
Curiosity can be defined as the desire, recognition and pursuit to discover new, uncertain, or challenging events.
Open-ended toys, games, and gadgets are great for children to develop curiosity. To help them build, give them yarn and paint. Offer pipe cleaners, paper clips, and other materials to your children. Challenge them to discover new ways of using them.
A second method is to demonstrate inquisitiveness. You don’t have to say “That won’t be successful,” but instead, try saying “Let’s just see what happens!” Instead of giving solutions, try asking: “What do YOU think?” How do you find out? “How do you know?”
Finally, when you are walking by someone and reading a book or watching a movie, ask “I wonder” questions. “I wonder where her going?” “I wonder what they are doing.” “I’m curious what will happen next.”
Children learn perseverance when it is hard to quit.
Making mistakes can prevent kids from reaching the goal and succeeding. Don’t allow your child to become a victim of their problems. Instead, you can help your child focus and find their stumbling blocks.
Sometimes kids quit because they’re overwhelmed by the “all of their problems” or the “all of their assignments.” Children who struggle with focusing and getting started can be helped by breaking down tasks.
To teach your child to “chunkit,” you could cover all of her math problems (except the top) with a piece or paper. As each row is complete, lower the paper.
An older child can place each assignment onto one sticky note. They will only need to complete one task at one time. So they aren’t stressed about it at night, you can encourage them to tackle the toughest task first. Children will gain confidence and more perseverance as they complete bigger chunks on their own.
Kids who see obstacles and difficulties as temporary are more optimistic and therefore have higher chances of success.
There is also a starkly opposing viewpoint: pessimism. The pessimistic view of challenges is that they will never be overcome.
It all starts with you. Your words become the inner voice of your child. Tune in to the messages over the coming days and see how your outlook affects your kid.
Do you think you are more optimist than pessimist? Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? Do things seem positive or negative, half-full or empty? Good or bad? Through rose-tinted or blue-tinted eyes? Do your relatives and friends feel the same way about you?
If you feel that your world is tilted to one side or the other, don’t forget that the only way to make a change is by seeing yourself in the mirror. Write about the reasons you feel more positive if you are seeing pessimism.
It’s hard to change, but it is important that you set the example and teach your child how to do so.
Michele Borba, EdD,An educational psychologist and parenting expert. “Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine”And “UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About Me World.”She lives with her husband in Palm Springs and has three children. Follow her on Twitter, FacebookAnd Instagram.