Chris Taylor

NEW YORK, (Reuters) – More than one million Americans have died in the COVID epidemic. This is a remarkable milestone. The challenge, of course, is that America’s Type-A, hard-charging culture is famously bad at coping with the emotional realities of pain and loss.

Even so, you don’t have to let grief stop your career from moving forward.

It is possible to come out the other side if you accept those feelings and work with them.

That is the message of Rebecca Soffer, co-founder (with Gabrielle Birkner) of the Modern Loss community (modernloss.com) and author of the new book “The Modern Loss Handbook: An Interactive Guide to Moving Through Grief and Building Your Resilience.”

“The whole point of the book is to help you stay connected to the person you’ve lost, to yourself, and to the world around you,” says Soffer, who helped start the Modern Loss community after losing both parents. “I wanted to go deep into what it feels like when you go back to work, and to continue in your career, while also taking care of yourself at the same time.”

While bereavement leaves are not a national issue, corporate understanding of the topic seems to improve, partly because corporations have little choice.

There are many strategies you can use to survive at work, or help you navigate the world after a loss.

Here are some ideas from Soffer

AFFECT HOW AND WHEN YOUR WORK

One thing is certain about grief is its unpredictable nature. Sometimes waves can come at different times making it hard to remain focused or productive while working.

You (and your boss!) should also be flexible with how you plan your days and work. You might find that you are more productive working in the morning than you are at night. Regular breaks are important and should be included in your work schedule.

The good news: “I do think more companies are being much more flexible right now,” Soffer says. “They had to, because when everyone started working from home, they had to accept non-traditional situations.”

HAVE A ‘POINT PERSON’

You don’t want to recount a devastating loss to more than 100 people. That is where a designated ‘point person’ can come in: Someone you trust, who can listen to whatever information you want to be known (and what you do not), and then do the disseminating for you. It saves you both time and emotionally exhausting, so you can focus on the task at hand.

ADVOCATE TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS

This is a difficult time for corporations to get through, as grief can be so delicate. Soffer says that if employees are experiencing it personally, they can better understand the needs of their colleagues.

It might involve putting together a kit of resources for employees who have trouble coping. This could include forming an employee discussion group to help people get through difficult situations. It could also mean advocating for company policies such as the paid bereavement holiday. Giving a purpose can give direction in times when you feel helpless and lost.

DELIMINATE THE PRESSURE

You should take any steps that you can to ease your own burdens. You might consider switching jobs temporarily.

“If you have a performative role, like being a professor, maybe you could switch into a more administrative role for a period of time,” Soffer says. “That way you won’t feel so exposed.”

A second idea is to discuss with your boss the possibility of a 2- or 3-month period which will not be counted towards your annual performance evaluation.

The main thing to remember about grief: “No feeling is final,” says Soffer. “When you’re in the worst of it, I guarantee you will not feel that way for the rest of your life.

“Grief is such a sneaky thing, and we are expected to handle it with such grace and courage and power,” Soffer adds. “But it’s okay to feel like a mess sometimes. It’s not just okay – it’s normal.”