Chris Taylor

NEW YORK, (Reuters) – Many parents are able to help their children learn money skills.

The parents introduce children to the idea by giving them little money, like an allowance or tooth-fairy gift, in the beginning. The end goal is a fully-functioning financially responsible grownup – earning money, handling a budget, paying bills, saving for retirement.

It is those in-between years that are the most difficult. What is the best way to get them there?

This was the mystery that drove Bobbi Rebell crazy. She was a certified financial advisor and a former anchor at Reuters’ business news channel. Her two college-aged stepchildren were frustrated by her inability to learn about financial literacy.

“Even though I spent decades writing business and personal-finance news, I was failing so miserably at it,” says Rebell. “There are lots of amazing educational materials for little kids out there, but I couldn’t find anything for parents of people emerging into adulthood.”

Presto: Her new book “Launching Financial Grownups”.

It is not easy to launch our children into the real world. Adults often don’t have enough money to start their families.

A teenager doesn’t want to listen or learn from their parents.

Not even schools can help. Although money skills have been included in some curricula, personal finance is often overlooked.

This means that teens often learn lessons about money from other people, if any. One survey from a banking giant found that teenagers often take money lessons from other people. Wells Fargo (NYSE:) 35% say social media gives them information regarding handling money.

Every family’s resources and financial journeys are different, but these core principles can serve as a compass to raise money-smart kids:

Find the Balance

It is unrealistic to expect children to be financially independent from their parents at the age of 18. You will eventually have to let them go.

Yet 74% of parents help their adult children out financially – and half say they are cutting into their own retirement savings to do so, according to surveys by the personal finance site Bankrate.

Rebell states that this is where it’s important to strike a delicate balance. Rebell suggests that helping out during times of crisis and making contributions to large expenses, such as college tuition, can be helpful, but that you don’t do everything so that there is no one to help.

“Just because you can subsidize them, doesn’t mean you should,” Rebell says. “You need to be strategic about it.”

USE COVID YEARS TO OPPORTUNITY

Family dynamics were rewired in many different ways by this unique pandemic. Many young adults live with their parents to save money or for job losses.

You should take advantage of the fact that your child is more frequently than expected. Invite your kid to budgeting discussions and invite him to make household expenditures. Watching what you do can teach them a lot. So be open with your children about making tough decisions in managing a household.

AVOID ‘CONCIERGE’ PARENTING

You can’t expect them to learn much from themselves if they have to deal with every financial concern that arises. You should not intervene in every financial situation. Instead, let the children make decisions and face the consequences. This means that they may fail occasionally.

Look back at your financial past. The best lessons in money were probably learned when you had little to work with.

“A lot of parents are so well-intentioned, and they just don’t want their kids to suffer,” Rebell says. “But you have to let your kids come up short sometimes.”

DO NOT JUST TEACH – LISTEN

Teaching your children about money does not have to be a teacher-student relationship. Instead, you should present a lesson plan, and then let them take it in. Remember that they don’t need to be taught by you. As a result they will have their opinions about money and how they want to make, spend, save and give it —and that is okay.

“It’s a conversation, so let them talk more than you,” Rebell says. “Figure out what matters to them, and don’t assume their priorities are yours. Then you can help guide them.”